what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
