sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
