You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
