Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
