dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
