I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
