Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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