put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
