May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
