As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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