I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
