matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Please don't give away my fajitas
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