I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
