Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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