my phone needs a breathalizer
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
