So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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