I bet he comes in French.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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