he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize