I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
