Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
