she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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