At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
