I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
