i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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