so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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