Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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