3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
