Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
