I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
