Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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