i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
