What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
