You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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