Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize