How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
