I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
