you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize