First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
