Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
