My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
