I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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