It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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