Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
