i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
my poor anus
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How does one acquire holy water?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
