I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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