On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
