she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
