yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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