You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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