So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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