i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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