WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
