I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
