Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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