they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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