it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
