Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I just sharted jello shots
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
