i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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