I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
