Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
