I am full of burrito and curiosity
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
