I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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