And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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