it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
