I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
