I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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