Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just pee around me
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
