hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
