Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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